HTB

Excerpts from 'Horse the Band's Guide to Touring'

DO

Lower your standards to lower than they have ever been before.
When you start laughing in the midst of a horrible, mind numbing, financially devastating, morbidly depressing and pathetic situation, you are living at the top when you’re at the fucking bottom.

Wear your seatbelt.
Dying on tour is sad. I mean, when it comes down to it touring is pretty silly and self-indulgent. No good reason to die.

DO NOT

Be a pussy.
Really no one cares about you, and especially not your problems (unless they’re their problems too) just take it and don’t constantly be complaining or trying to get better shit than everyone else. It really doesn’t matter. And everyone notices and talks about you behind your back. You become a joke.

Sleep, in general, much.
Sleep is much better spent sprawled across tile or jigsawed between benches in airports, or drooling on yourself upright in the van than “during the night”. Nighttime is for living. Daytime is for regret/sightseeing.

Say the same thing every night.
You are supposed to be pretending to be an artist.